Dating over forty. When you collect toys.

[XenoMorbidity]

Yeah, I made this thread well, I don’t want to make it political or anything like that. I decided over a decade ago that due to autism I can’t really stop collecting toys. It’s just too much of a part of me. Many people seem to have trouble understanding this including people on the spectrum. BUt I couldn’t stop if I wanted to. So I think it makes my options harder. Due to disability I chose celibacy for over 14 years. Sad thing is now all the social spaces online usually you only meet younger people. Or other toy collectors of the new generation are younger and it’s hard to meet women, in their later thirties forties and fifties. It seems, to be impossible to find a person who would be okay with a lifestyle toy collector. At this age it seems pointless. I was wondering what thoughts people have on this I wasn’t make it political or share anything abOUT negative experiences from when I was in my twenties. I think we’ve all grown and matured a lot since then and I won’t let my stubbornness gET he BETTER of me. I just can’t handle how almost nobody shares the same passion you do in collecting toys. And it’s harder as you get older. I know the reasons I’m a failure in this area. And I’m sure that there’s people I glossed over who I could have maybe met years ago like anyone else. No body is perfect. But it just seems like when you are an internet native it’s harder to run into much older women online. Especially ones who might share similar interests. I no longer have the ability to bother with anything in a focused and protracted way due to lots of trauma from bad experiences. So I just was wondering, how the hell do you even meet people most online dating sites seem to just make it harder and more challenging and presenting yourself feels too difficult for me. I stopped caring aBout dating for at least 13 years. But the past 3 years imcoukdnt Handle the idea of being alone anymore. I don’t even feel driven on working on personal ambitions anymore because it feels like there is no real social reward when lack of filter screws up any hard work or dedication you put into anything. Life sometimes feels pointless. Like it should just end. And fly into throes of nihilism. Being Serious though, I feel completely inferior and worthless. And nothing changes that. What obstacles do people feel they run into.

 

[Dekafox]

Dating sites aren't exactly the best... I haven't looked in years admittedly, but even back then most of them felt like meat markets, not to mention there's well-documented instances of some of these sites running fake profiles on top of the paywalls to bait people into paying. There's also usually a much greater ratio of people looking for women on the majority of these, which doesn't help if you're of the same persuasion you and I are.

Your best bet probably I would think would be to just go out and do activities you enjoy, and keep eyes out for anyone that seems like your type or(more importantly) that you're their type. Meeting people is the first step to finding things, and worst case, you might at least make some new friends. This also doesn't need to be offline, though there are options there even for the terminally nerdy(see: local gaming stores, conventions, and hobby meetups), but if you are looking online, you need to be FAR more critical as there are many scammers online that will pretend to be interested in you to drain your bank account - look up "pig butchering scams" for one example.

Two other pieces of advice:

• Don't rush things just because you feel lonely... desperation is a turn-off for most people
• Don't let perfect be the enemy of good. Waiting for the perfect partner may mean waiting forever, especially given your concerns about collecting. Be willing to consider people who are understanding and/or accepting of it, even if it's not their interest. If they actually like or care for you,, given how important to you it is, it shouldn't be an issue, even if they don't collect your thing or aren't interested in it.

 

[XenoMorbidity]

Thanks, yeah, I had eight years of experience on plenty of fish and it seems, like some accounts were fake or even were bait traps. I can believe the thing about fake profiles. Doesn’t sound too surprising.

 

[XenoMorbidity]

I have a few other things, to bring up. Like, maybe I really am non binary and never realized it. I used to be accused of being schizophrenic by people for how I write or talk. But I know that I do not suffer from any delusional thinking or psychosis. It’s just my talking style and how I use words and my grammer issues that make people see me that way. I tend to maybe be unaware of things I don’t have a good grasp of emotions. I guess the more logical side of my personality was more in control when I was on remereon. So I forgot what the other aspect of my personality is like. The past four years I’ve come to realize how messed up I am and why people think I’m mentally ill when I’m not. Sometimes people think I’m projecting even when I’m not and it’s annoying. Maybe I really do have two personalities and I’m not aware of it people seem to know what’s wrong with me but nobody seems to want to tell me what the problem is. And I know it’s bullshit when I get accused of psychosis. I’ve never had any unrealistic delusions my entire life. Some eccentricities I have are honestly coping mechanisms and not really psychosis. I dunno I went to a therapist and they didn’t seem to care about telling me what the hell could be wrong with me. I’ve noticed in the past few years, ive screwed up in some ways I never would before and now people think really stupid stuff about me that isn’t really fully accurate. And never was. As an example, I never felt entitled to sex with women and I’d never force a woman to have sex with me. And it would really infuriate me when people think I’d be sexual with every woman I talk to and it annoys me. That said I admit there’s problems I never had before I used to be able to compartmentalize better before. Now I think years of sleep deprivation and social isolation and maybe possible brain damage has probably made it haredr to compartmentalize in my brain. And it’s ruined me as a person. Because I never expected sex or even wanted sex on a first date or anything like that. I was roofied with something in 2021 and ever since then I have become completely mentally off. I can’t compartmentalize sexual needs or desires as good as I used to. Which is pretty sad because people used to think of me that way When I was never like that. To be honest I can’t date a person and have sex with then on a first date and I’d never expect sex from a person. But after I was roofied a few years back I don’t know if it broke somwthing in my brain or if I just have a chemical imbalance I never had before. I guess, my emotional side does confuse me about love and expectations. Where I’ll like a woman and get my hopes up unrealistically in a way that seems delusional. Which is odd I was very cold and logical as a child and I’d usually think people don’t like me and would ignore people, My life has become an absolute hell. Being bedridden due to a sleep disorder hasn’t helped either. I think my problem, is my feminine side is too excited about loving people and gets stupid. But I wasnt like this before far as I know. And I probably identify more as gender less than female or male. Far as I know I’m pretty normal in my masculinity just never felt like gender was that important. I feel like women never register attraction towards me. And I don’t know why is it that they don’t pick up emotions? But I’ve had experiences where my personality switches and I don’t notice and suddenly women who didn’t like me suddenly like me. And I don’t know why that happens. It is like they can also tell when my grin changes.
I started realizing slightly feminine traits a bit more now. I guess that I don’t notice it because i identified more as genderless than female. Like I’ve only ever felt male or like I don’t really have a gender concept or like gender wasn’t too important to me. It’s possible I don’t read my emotions correctly which could explain maybe why people keep thinking I have psychosis. Because maybe they pick up emotional vibes of character I don’t peronally notIce. No one has ever told me if they pick up femininity in my personality as far as I knew I was just a strait male. Maybe with some more sensitive traits than normal. On top of the more negative side. But if people picked up crazy it was probably due to bad life experiences in childhood. I dunno nobody ever tells me what they pick up from me or what they think I have.

 

[Dekafox]

Do you have insurance currently? And if so, have you considered looking into finding a therapist? I know multiple people, both plural and single-personality, who have benefited from talking out issues like what you're struggling with with them, as therapists are trained to help with exactly these sort of concerns. They can help you sort out your non-binary-ness, if you're actually a system, and so on, much better than most of us probably, IF they are an option.