“I intended to remain impartial in this race, like my fellow worm Jeff Bezos,” the worm’s official statement read. “But threatening to put Kennedy in charge of the CDC was the last straw.”
“As someone who has lived in Bobby’s brain and eaten half of it, I am terrified of his remaining half-brain being given any responsibility,” the worm continued.
In a final appeal to undecided voters, the worm asserted, “As a parasite, I have always identified as a Republican, but I have decided to put country before party.”