Okay, understand, this is how I rate these things right now. As me tomorrow, the order might be different. Also, I type this before I’ve actually rated these. So it’s actually possible something may get a higher score yet still be lower on the list. We’ll see. I don’t see this as a contradiction because it is possible to objectively see some flaws in something but still emotionally find them more endearing than the objectively better thing.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 1990 (live action Movie) - S
This was back when everything I knew about TMNT was still the Fred Wolf cartoon. Well…I honestly forget what came first, this movie or my first Mirage comic. I honestly forget. But I do think this probably came first because I was so shocked when Raphel said “damn,” Shredder was competent and boy oh boy did they go in for the drama. It also introduced me to a cool Casey Jones (instead of the Fred Wolf buffoon). It wasn’t as bloody and gritty as the Mirage comics, but it was certainly more serious than Fred Wolf. It was the perfect combo. I still love it to this day.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (IDW Comics) - S
Okay, there are some weaknesses here. Like most comics these days, it’s a very decompressed way of story telling. I’ve never been a fan of these type of storytelling just because you’re paying more and more for comics and getting less and less story. Also, the art over the past few issues has been…not good. The story telling, decompression notwithstanding, is tight as ever. But geeze, that art!
On the good side, it’s included just about every TMNT character you could want: Karai, Rocksteady/Bebop, Jagwar, Alopex (which is really as close as they can get to Ninjara given the copyright confusion). Even characters that are typically not thought of very favorably *coughVenuscouch* are actually being done really well here. It’s the ultimate collection of everything TMNT ever was.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Mirage Comics) - S
Here I’m really conflicted. I like the early issues. The first issue is classic. Some of the Tales issues (I Monster, the ones with Leatherhead), the ones where they went into space, Leonardo one-shot and its continuation in issue 10, Return to New York. It has so many classic story lines. Read them in color. Read them in black and white. These stories are just so good.
The thing is, dang it gets rather depressing. Like, yes, I know the series continued after City at War, but it was the start of the guest writers era and pretty much the end of the Eastman and Laird era…to the point that any collections and reissues stop right here. And it feels like such a sad way to end it. Casey now has a child and was married. This puts a bit of a “what now” strain on his and April’s relationship. Donny and Splinter are staying in Northhampton while the others are going back to New York, splitting the family. It just feels like such a down way to end the reign.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2003 (series) - A+
Still a kids show, but they kept so close to the Mirage roots. It had to do some softening up of the stories in order to make it past the network. But they were able to keep in so much.
Negatives…I don’t know. It’s debateable. But making the Shredder an Utrom…I just don’t know. As close as the series kept to its Mirage roots, this was a drastic departure. Also, the less said about Fast Forward and Back to the Sewers, the better.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2012 (series) S
This series just blew my freaking mind. I had a couple times trying to get into this without sucess. But within the past month when I finally pushed through and an watched the entire series…ho..ly…hell! How many times did I note “how is this a kids show?” I can’t believe some of the things they got away with. The only real negative, if you can call it that, is that it also ended on a downer (if you go by production order). Don’t get me wrong. I love the Mad Max story. But as an ending to the series…I really hate ending things on a down note. But honestly, that’s the only negative. This series, ask me tomorrow and I may just say I like it better than 2003.
TMNT 2007 (CGI Movie) A
Over all, this isn’t the strongest movie. I enjoy it, but honestly, Patrick Stewart is one of those voice actors that I can never see the character on the screen. I can only ever see Patrick Stewart. That’s kind of a me problem, I admit. But this is my list. Over all, I mean, it wasn't bad, but it wasn’t great either. But one thing I have to mention that skyrockets the movie in my opinion, Raph vs. Leo on the rooftop in the rain. That fight and the emotion in it was such a powerful punch to the gut. I absolutely loved it. Best fight ever. I’ll watch the entire movie just for that fight.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows - C
Ugh! I hate to give this duo any bit of positive feedback. And look, I know Michael Bay only produced it. He didn’t write or direct it. But he did produce it and it still has his fingerprints all over it. I don’t like Megan Fox. I hate what they did with Casey Jones’ character. Any time you put in fart jokes, you automatically knock down my respect. But…live action Bebop, Rocksteady and Krang…it’s not the worst version of TMNT I’ve ever seen.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Secret of the Ooze - C
Freaking parents! How do you have the Turtles and not allow them to use their weapons? The costumes also took a hell of a hit in quality. They recast April, left out Casey. While the first movie had a bit of an issue of having lots of foot soldiers on screen but only a few of them actually fighting…this was so noticable it was painful. The turtles would be surrounded by foot soldiers, but most of them were only standing back and doing action poses. It was painfully obvious even as a kid. And while Tokka and Rahzar have been used quite well since then, at the time it was a severe disapointment that they weren’t Bebop and Rock Steady. Vanilla Ice...okay so the Ninja Rap has become sewn into the very fabric of TMNT. But even at his hight of "popularity," Vanilla Ice was still an easy target for mocking. Soooo...take that for what it's worth.
One thing I will say in support of it, it gave us Super Shredder. And to be honest, it still isn’t the worst thing I’ve ever watched. I can still watch it and not be so disgusted that I have to turn it off. It’s watchable.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Adventures (Archie Comics) - D
*sigh* Okay, here’s another one I’m conflicted about. I like that they took the Fred Wolf turtles and took them seriously. Especially for the Archie comics company at the time, they did go dark. Plus, as I’ve already said before, I’m a bit furry for Ninjara.
But for hugs sake! Look, I like the rain forests. I’m all for protecting them. I’m totally for protecting the rain forest. But could you possibly hit us over the head any harder? Is it even possible to drop those anvils any harder? Even by 80’s/90’s standards, this was about as subtle as an atomic bomb in the middle of a library! Hell, the story would (often) come to a dead stop so the writer could preach about the environment and the evils of industry. Just…gah! I can go back and read in moderation…but…gah!
But…I’m furry for Ninjara…so…I think there’s that emotional vs. objective thing that made me put it above the following.
Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - C
I think my most repeated phrase for this series was “distilled ADHD.” I just can not take this kind of show. It frazzles my nerves. I will say that there are moments…just…moments…and maybe a couple episodes…that were pretty okay. In fact, the last two episodes as well as the Gold Fish half of its episode would even rate a solid B…+. But over all…I just did not like this series.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Fred Wolf) - C
I liked this series at the time. After all, if not for this series, I wouldn’t be the TMNT fan that I am today. So there will always be a nostalgic respect for this series in my heart.
But let’s be real. I can not go back and watch this series. I’ve honestly tried lately. I wanted to see a few episodes just to see the first appearences of Chrome Dome, Mona Lisa and other characters. But my brain just could not focus on it for long. I was lucky to get through a single episode before I was just unable to focus on it any more. I hurts to rate it this low, but it truly is one of those childhood shows I used to love that going back to it…I just can’t.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2014 (live action movie) - D-
Okay, again, I know Michael Bay only produced it. I know he didn’t direct or even write it. But it still has his finger prints on it. And I still don’t like Megan Fox, I still don’t like fart jokes, I don’t Shredders design. I also like the idea of design where sometimes less is more…and boy oh boy did they over design…well, everything really, but the turtles specifically. This was just a huge freaking mess!
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III - F
If you have to have your characters laugh at every single joke to make sure the audience knows that a joke was even made, you have a problem. Remember how I said the costumes took a hit in quality in Secret of the Ooze? This movie makes those look like cutting freaking edge! And freaking wet willeys! It’s not funny. In fact, none of the “jokes” were funny. I want to say it was nice to see Elias Koteas reprise his role as Casey Jones, but dang they did a piss poor job writing him. In fact, they did a piss poor job writing everything and every one. Even the worst of the other versions of TMNT I can usually find SOMETHING positive to say. As much as I loath 2014…the action was…okay…ish. The elevator scene was a moment that happened. But this? I can’t think of anything positive to say about this. Nothing! I watched it once because the BluRay came in a set with the first two movies. But never again. This is just…its so piss poor. Nothing redeeming about it.
