I dunno. I like a lot of stuff by depressed authors.
With that in mind...
This is the story of Bob. Now there are two things you must know about Bob or this story means nothing. One, Bob was very competitive. It would not be inaccurate to say he was a sore loser. To see Bob lose was to see a frightening sight. Fortunately he was so good at what he did, he only ever lost twice in his entire life.
The second thing you must know about Bob is that he really loved chess.
Now from a very young age, Bob knew he was a sore loser. It wasn't something he particularly liked about himself but after all he was only human.
So, weakness in mind, Bob set himself on the path of playing chess and was determined to never lose. His father bought him his first computerized chess set. Bob was excited to start learning and he knew this computerized chess set would be the one to teach him.
Bob lost.
When Bob's father bought him his second chess set it was with the understanding that Bob would not be getting a third. Bob's father needn't have worried. When this new chess set saw what happened to the old one, it was too afraid to win. It played hard enough to make sure Bob learned. But it was very careful to make sure Bob always won.
I would like to say that this chess set lived happily ever after, but it is a chess set after all and therefore had no emotions. Come on!
After starting his career in competitive chess, Bob soared through the ranks. He remained undefeated for his entire career, which didn't last long because not being able to find a worthy opponent soon grew tiresome.
Bob searched far and wide for an opponent who could challenge him but, alas, he was just too good at what he did. Finally, one day Bob had a revelation, an idea that would finally solve his problem (and ultimately every problem he ever had). Bob set out a chess board, put the pieces in their correct place and began to play against...himself.
This grabbed everyone's attention, the undefeated chess championship Bob going up against his greatest opponent yet! The crowd cheered. The crowd gasped. Fathers dragged their sons out of school to witness this once in a lifetime spectacle.
But the outcome was of course never in question. For only the second time in his life, Bob lost. And of course we already know what a sore loser Bob is. So when he found himself in check mate, he could think of no other response than to call his opponent a 'dirty cheater'.
He hadn't meant to say it. He knew it wasn't true. But Bob, being the sore loser that he was, let it slip. He was human after all.
But if there's one thing Bob hates more than losing, it's having his honor called into question. Bob had no recourse but to challenge this mongrel to a duel to the death.
It didn't end well for Bob.
