Honestly not sure where else to put something like this then Mayhem, but as the title suggests I recently learned something about myself that certainly puts a lot of things into perspective.
So you may know me by a few times on the board getting into an argument in which I'd argue a point, and people would get fed up with me and just not understand why I wouldn't let it go and I'll be honest during those times I've sat here wondering what I'm doing wrong to get my point across.
Well I never thought about it before, because when I was a kid we didn't really have proper tests for these things. But to get to the point, in a recent conversation like that someone mentioned I was probably on the spectrum.
Now stay with me, but this made me think about the 2017 Power Rangers movie, and Billy in that movie. It was mentioned that he was on the spectrum and because of that his brain worked differently than theirs. It made sure to say that didn't mean he was stupid, it's just his brain takes in and processes information differently.
That... that made me realize I think the issue with these things is my brain is simply doing something yours does not. This makes me also realize that I have no damn clue how a normal brain is apparently supposed to work.
So for me, when I take in information, my brain automatically begins to dissect it and process it. It'll sit there and basically try to understand what it's being given. So it'll lay it out, look at the information we have of this topic, see if it all makes sense, and come up with a conclusion/opinion.
For example:
If you remember when we watched the My Little Pony Friendship is Magic episode "Made in Manehatten" I asked the question of why Applejack didn't ask for help from her family in that episode. I was given an answer like: "Because the episode is only so long" Well to put it simply it wasn't satisfactory. So to explain what happened there, let me try to lay out why I asked the question:
The information my brain got was: "Rarity and Applejack need help doing thing." The moment that information entered my brain, it dissected it and began to gather all the rest of the info we knew about the two characters and the setting and calculated the best solutions to that issue. So basically:
Brain: The issue is they need help.
Brain: We know the characters are Rarity and Applejack
Brain: We know Rarity doesn't have many connections in Manehatten
Brain: We know Applejack has family in Manehatten
Brain: We know the apples are very close. They have large family reunions, so it is fair to say they would have ways of contacting each other.
Brain: We also know that Applejack went to stay with her Aunt and Uncle Orange as a filly. It's probably to say she knows where they live now.
Brain: Given this information, it makes logical sense that Applejack would reach out to her family for assistance. It's also the most probable course of action they would take given the information we have. The solution is to ask her family for help, or at the very least it just makes too much sense for them to try that course of action.
As we know. The show didn't even acknowledge that. There was never a mention of even trying for that. Not even single line of dialogue of Applejack saying she couldn't get a hold of them. Since this was flat out ignored. My brain zeros in on that. Because What I just listed has become an algorithm. Those points up there are the variables in that algorithm that no matter how many times I run it. Since all that information is correct as far as I'm able to decipher. No matter how many times I run this algorithm, it's just going to give me the same damn answer.
Now SOMEHOW for everyone else, plugging information like: "The show didn't have time to show that so it wasn't addressed" Seems to satisfy you. Heck "It's a kids show" also seems to satisfy most people. You plug that in and your brain is able to accept things and move on.
To be blunt, I can't do that. I have no idea how in the world you do that. Because again. Everything I listed there is still true. None of the information in that algorithm has been contradicted. So since none of the information there has been changed. I'm still getting the same answer. So you can preach to me as long as you want that it's just a kids show, that the way creative corporations work means things are done a certain way. None of that matters, because my brain will just take that information and go:
Brain: Okay everything we said here still makes sense. It's still correct information, and we still see it as the most likely thing these particular characters would have done in this situation. The information you give us only suggests that due to time, or creative judgement. This information WAS IGNORED. We understand time constraints and why cuts need to be made. This does NOT however negate anything we've listed above, thus the conclusion is still the same. What we have presented is still the most likely choice of action these characters would have made based on the information we have of the situation and these particular characters. Therefore to not address it. Is an error.
And we are now stuck here until I'm able to get information that suggests otherwise. Or to be more precise. You have to give me information that CHANGES A VARITABLE.
An example of this actually happening was when I was being an idiot and getting mad at Nintendo for not giving me a physical copy of Fatal Frame 5 for the WiiU. My thought process was:
Brain: We want this game.
Brain: Nintendo is only releasing it digitally
Brain: They could release a physical copy, but won't.
Brain: This suggests they want to be cheap about it to save money just because.
Brain: We are upset about this. We want a physical copy and cheapness is denying us that. Nintendo is in the wrong.
I stated as much, and I hate myself for it now, but at the time, that was all the information I had. Then someone pointed out some information I either didn't have or just hadn't thought of that directly challenged and changed one of those variables in this particular algorithm.
Namely that Fatal Frame is NOT a high seller franchise. It only does 'okay' and the truth is, the fact we got an English translation at all is Nintendo being generous.
Thus one of my variables was challenged and altered. "I'm not getting a physical copy because Nintendo is being cheap just because." No they aren't giving me a physical copy because sadly it doesn't really make sense from a business standpoint to do so. I'd buy a copy, but probability and logic suggests they could end up losing money on this. So a digital copy is the safer route.
That information contradicts things I thought before. This the variables change, and a new conclusion is reached.
Now that I've typed all that, my brain is looking at the information we are giving you and now also dissecting it and trying to anticipate how you might react to it, or process the data yourself. It's trying to help me figure out the best way to phase things as to help everyone understand and not piss people off.
So it's suggesting you might think I'm putting WAAAAAAAAAAY too much effort into this stuff, or maybe that I'm making this more complicated then it needs to be.
And the point of this thread is I'm basically trying to get across that:
This is NORMAL for me. Subconscious. This is how I take in and process all information. All of it. All the time. This is how my brain is HARDWIRED to function.
This is why I am unable to fully enjoy a movie like Pixar's cars, because the world presented to me just causes my brain to ask a ton of questions that we aren't given answers to. Like how are there baby cars? Where do they come from? Does this suggest the cars 'Mate'? Can a plane mate with a race car? How does any of this make sense?
It being a kids movie does nothing, because my brain is too focused on: "This is presented to us as a world that exists, but nothing in this world makes any sort of sense." If we saw at the end of the movie two kids playing with toys that looked like the characters, that would suggest all of that was from their imagination, and thus it makes sense the world has issues, because kids aren't going to think or care about stuff like that.
But we don't have information that suggests that. All we know is the world is supposed to be a real world with normal flowing time, and it just falls apart the moment you question anything.
And again. I'm not able to do anything about my brain doing that. There is no switch I can flip and my brain stops doing that. I can't ignore information once my brain has logged it. Because as far as it's concerned, ignoring information makes no sense. The information is still there, and if it rings true, than it must be accepted and acknowledged.
That's just how it is for me. I can't rewire my brain. I can't do anything about this. So that's why when I look at something like the stupid P.T. Demo and go "Okay this is my opinion on that"
So repeatedly telling me "BUT THE PS4 COMES WITH A MIC" Is not a damn answer, because it doesn't magically change the variables that lead me to my initial opinion in the first place. Therefore I'm not going to suddenly have a different opinion, because the information I presented STILL ENDS UP GIVING ME THE SAME ANSWER. I gave suggestions as to why that didn't solve the problem, but it kept being given to me like it was some sort of checkmate, and my brain just kept screaming: "THAT DOESN'T CHANGE ANYTHING WE'VE SAID"
And yes I get frustrated, because I'm human. It makes sense that I'd get frustrated because from my perspective you are just ignoring the algorithm altogether and giving me an answer that doesn't work. So when that same freaking answer is given AGAIN and everyone thumbs up the comment. I get pissed off because from my perspective, you're just making fun of me at that point.
It's why I try so hard to say: "Hey I get people likely aren't going to see things my way. You don't have to agree with me." If I don't like something like Wind Waker I always try to say: "You can continue to enjoy it. I'm not telling you not to, I'm just giving the information on why I DON'T.
I also consider there are times I'm not presenting the information to you in the best way. I'm an animated person, so I have a default way of saying things. I try to be conscious of that as it's one of the few things I am in control of with these things. Sometimes I give my opinion just to vent it out, because I don't want to just sit in a corner and never say anything ever.
Hence why I wanted to get this out. Because I'm really hoping maybe some sort of understanding can come from this. I don't have a choice in processing information this way. If I'm given information and I don't understand it, I keep trying to. Especially if it's something I want to know. I want to understand. And there isn't an off switch to that.
I'm stuck doing things this way till I'm dead.
So you may know me by a few times on the board getting into an argument in which I'd argue a point, and people would get fed up with me and just not understand why I wouldn't let it go and I'll be honest during those times I've sat here wondering what I'm doing wrong to get my point across.
Well I never thought about it before, because when I was a kid we didn't really have proper tests for these things. But to get to the point, in a recent conversation like that someone mentioned I was probably on the spectrum.
Now stay with me, but this made me think about the 2017 Power Rangers movie, and Billy in that movie. It was mentioned that he was on the spectrum and because of that his brain worked differently than theirs. It made sure to say that didn't mean he was stupid, it's just his brain takes in and processes information differently.
That... that made me realize I think the issue with these things is my brain is simply doing something yours does not. This makes me also realize that I have no damn clue how a normal brain is apparently supposed to work.
So for me, when I take in information, my brain automatically begins to dissect it and process it. It'll sit there and basically try to understand what it's being given. So it'll lay it out, look at the information we have of this topic, see if it all makes sense, and come up with a conclusion/opinion.
For example:
If you remember when we watched the My Little Pony Friendship is Magic episode "Made in Manehatten" I asked the question of why Applejack didn't ask for help from her family in that episode. I was given an answer like: "Because the episode is only so long" Well to put it simply it wasn't satisfactory. So to explain what happened there, let me try to lay out why I asked the question:
The information my brain got was: "Rarity and Applejack need help doing thing." The moment that information entered my brain, it dissected it and began to gather all the rest of the info we knew about the two characters and the setting and calculated the best solutions to that issue. So basically:
Brain: The issue is they need help.
Brain: We know the characters are Rarity and Applejack
Brain: We know Rarity doesn't have many connections in Manehatten
Brain: We know Applejack has family in Manehatten
Brain: We know the apples are very close. They have large family reunions, so it is fair to say they would have ways of contacting each other.
Brain: We also know that Applejack went to stay with her Aunt and Uncle Orange as a filly. It's probably to say she knows where they live now.
Brain: Given this information, it makes logical sense that Applejack would reach out to her family for assistance. It's also the most probable course of action they would take given the information we have. The solution is to ask her family for help, or at the very least it just makes too much sense for them to try that course of action.
As we know. The show didn't even acknowledge that. There was never a mention of even trying for that. Not even single line of dialogue of Applejack saying she couldn't get a hold of them. Since this was flat out ignored. My brain zeros in on that. Because What I just listed has become an algorithm. Those points up there are the variables in that algorithm that no matter how many times I run it. Since all that information is correct as far as I'm able to decipher. No matter how many times I run this algorithm, it's just going to give me the same damn answer.
Now SOMEHOW for everyone else, plugging information like: "The show didn't have time to show that so it wasn't addressed" Seems to satisfy you. Heck "It's a kids show" also seems to satisfy most people. You plug that in and your brain is able to accept things and move on.
To be blunt, I can't do that. I have no idea how in the world you do that. Because again. Everything I listed there is still true. None of the information in that algorithm has been contradicted. So since none of the information there has been changed. I'm still getting the same answer. So you can preach to me as long as you want that it's just a kids show, that the way creative corporations work means things are done a certain way. None of that matters, because my brain will just take that information and go:
Brain: Okay everything we said here still makes sense. It's still correct information, and we still see it as the most likely thing these particular characters would have done in this situation. The information you give us only suggests that due to time, or creative judgement. This information WAS IGNORED. We understand time constraints and why cuts need to be made. This does NOT however negate anything we've listed above, thus the conclusion is still the same. What we have presented is still the most likely choice of action these characters would have made based on the information we have of the situation and these particular characters. Therefore to not address it. Is an error.
And we are now stuck here until I'm able to get information that suggests otherwise. Or to be more precise. You have to give me information that CHANGES A VARITABLE.
An example of this actually happening was when I was being an idiot and getting mad at Nintendo for not giving me a physical copy of Fatal Frame 5 for the WiiU. My thought process was:
Brain: We want this game.
Brain: Nintendo is only releasing it digitally
Brain: They could release a physical copy, but won't.
Brain: This suggests they want to be cheap about it to save money just because.
Brain: We are upset about this. We want a physical copy and cheapness is denying us that. Nintendo is in the wrong.
I stated as much, and I hate myself for it now, but at the time, that was all the information I had. Then someone pointed out some information I either didn't have or just hadn't thought of that directly challenged and changed one of those variables in this particular algorithm.
Namely that Fatal Frame is NOT a high seller franchise. It only does 'okay' and the truth is, the fact we got an English translation at all is Nintendo being generous.
Thus one of my variables was challenged and altered. "I'm not getting a physical copy because Nintendo is being cheap just because." No they aren't giving me a physical copy because sadly it doesn't really make sense from a business standpoint to do so. I'd buy a copy, but probability and logic suggests they could end up losing money on this. So a digital copy is the safer route.
That information contradicts things I thought before. This the variables change, and a new conclusion is reached.
Now that I've typed all that, my brain is looking at the information we are giving you and now also dissecting it and trying to anticipate how you might react to it, or process the data yourself. It's trying to help me figure out the best way to phase things as to help everyone understand and not piss people off.
So it's suggesting you might think I'm putting WAAAAAAAAAAY too much effort into this stuff, or maybe that I'm making this more complicated then it needs to be.
And the point of this thread is I'm basically trying to get across that:
This is NORMAL for me. Subconscious. This is how I take in and process all information. All of it. All the time. This is how my brain is HARDWIRED to function.
This is why I am unable to fully enjoy a movie like Pixar's cars, because the world presented to me just causes my brain to ask a ton of questions that we aren't given answers to. Like how are there baby cars? Where do they come from? Does this suggest the cars 'Mate'? Can a plane mate with a race car? How does any of this make sense?
It being a kids movie does nothing, because my brain is too focused on: "This is presented to us as a world that exists, but nothing in this world makes any sort of sense." If we saw at the end of the movie two kids playing with toys that looked like the characters, that would suggest all of that was from their imagination, and thus it makes sense the world has issues, because kids aren't going to think or care about stuff like that.
But we don't have information that suggests that. All we know is the world is supposed to be a real world with normal flowing time, and it just falls apart the moment you question anything.
And again. I'm not able to do anything about my brain doing that. There is no switch I can flip and my brain stops doing that. I can't ignore information once my brain has logged it. Because as far as it's concerned, ignoring information makes no sense. The information is still there, and if it rings true, than it must be accepted and acknowledged.
That's just how it is for me. I can't rewire my brain. I can't do anything about this. So that's why when I look at something like the stupid P.T. Demo and go "Okay this is my opinion on that"
So repeatedly telling me "BUT THE PS4 COMES WITH A MIC" Is not a damn answer, because it doesn't magically change the variables that lead me to my initial opinion in the first place. Therefore I'm not going to suddenly have a different opinion, because the information I presented STILL ENDS UP GIVING ME THE SAME ANSWER. I gave suggestions as to why that didn't solve the problem, but it kept being given to me like it was some sort of checkmate, and my brain just kept screaming: "THAT DOESN'T CHANGE ANYTHING WE'VE SAID"
And yes I get frustrated, because I'm human. It makes sense that I'd get frustrated because from my perspective you are just ignoring the algorithm altogether and giving me an answer that doesn't work. So when that same freaking answer is given AGAIN and everyone thumbs up the comment. I get pissed off because from my perspective, you're just making fun of me at that point.
It's why I try so hard to say: "Hey I get people likely aren't going to see things my way. You don't have to agree with me." If I don't like something like Wind Waker I always try to say: "You can continue to enjoy it. I'm not telling you not to, I'm just giving the information on why I DON'T.
I also consider there are times I'm not presenting the information to you in the best way. I'm an animated person, so I have a default way of saying things. I try to be conscious of that as it's one of the few things I am in control of with these things. Sometimes I give my opinion just to vent it out, because I don't want to just sit in a corner and never say anything ever.
Hence why I wanted to get this out. Because I'm really hoping maybe some sort of understanding can come from this. I don't have a choice in processing information this way. If I'm given information and I don't understand it, I keep trying to. Especially if it's something I want to know. I want to understand. And there isn't an off switch to that.
I'm stuck doing things this way till I'm dead.
