Quotes

[The Mighty Mollusk]

A collection of goblin and goblin-related flavor text from Magic: the Gathering cards.

"Wizards fought over the stone to exploit its power. Goblins fight over it because it's shiny."
-Brightstone Ritual

"Throw enough goblins at a problem and it should go away. At the very least, there'll be fewer goblins."
-Goblin Piledriver

"I like goblins. They make funny little popping sounds when they die."
-Skirk Prospector

"I don't suppose we could teach them to throw the cursed things?"
-Goblin Grenade

"Species XR417 appears to feed on mental energy. This explains why the goblins remain unaffected."
-Synapse Sliver

"The good news is, we figured out how the wand works. The bad news is, we figured out how the wand works."
-Goblin Pyromancer

"Finding themselves in a new and unexplored world, they immediately set it on fire."
-Goblin Razerunners

"If you're gonna lose, at least make sure they don't win as much."
-Last-Ditch Effort

"Goblins were first to see the potential of hedrons in the fight against the Eldrazi, for the magical stones came ready-make with pointy bits."
-Lavastep Raider

"Boggarts divide the world into two categories: things you can eat, and things you have to chase down and pummel before you can eat."
-Bloodmark Mentor

 

[Caldwin]

I sold off a good deal of my MtG cards, but I rem some of those. Thanks for the nostalgi.

 

[Sharkshadow]

step one:find your cousin
step two : get your cousin in the cannon
step three: get another cousin.

 

[The Mighty Mollusk]

Years of attempts have brought the goblins no closer to growing a sausage tree.

 

[Sharkshadow]

The more victims he kills the more likely he is to get the right one.

 

[Paladin]

This tale is set in Gold Rush days, when the place to be was the Yukon. Because wool and meat were so vital, sheep became very valuable. One of the wealthiest women in town was a tough old lady named Beatrice, who had moved there from Boston but had become so acclimated that everyone called her Yukoned Bea.

Bea owned 26 sheep, which she named for the letters of the alphabet. Ewe A, Ewe B, and so on. Bea ran the only hotel in town, but she was opposed to drinking, and wouldn't rent rooms to any man who had a hint of alcohol on his breath. This did not sit well with the local saloon-keepers, Hiram Lovedaw and Hubert Loff, so they bet Bea that one of them could invent a drink that even her sharp nose couldn't detect. The winner would get her best sheep that year, which happened to be Ewe F. She agreed, and they went to work.

Lovedaw's drink was called "Blue Lightning", and Loff called his Mountain Dew (this was long before the carbonated beverage of the same name). The day of the competition arrived, and Lovedaw went first. He took a long swig of Blue Lightning. Bea smelled his breath, and announced that she couldn't detect a thing. The it was Loff's turn, and Lovedaw was hoping that his friend would fail.

Spoiler

Since, as we all know, If Yukoned Bea whiffed Dew on Hugh Loff, Lovedaw won Ewe F.

 

[Caldwin]

"Creator! Nature!" said the young lady in answer to my gentle father. "And this disease that invades the country is natural. Nature. All things proceed from Nature--don't they? All things in the heaven, in the earth, and under the earth, act and live as Nature ordains? I think so."
-Carmilla

“Do you wish me to stay so long?” I asked, for my heart grew cold at the thought.
“I desire it much; nay, I will take no refusal."
-Dracula

“Take care,” he said, “take care how you cut yourself. It is more dangerous than you think in this country.”
-Dracula

 

[CoffeeHorse]

"I am... Dracula"
-Who do ya think?

 

[Sharkshadow]

Dr. Seward: Allow me to introduce Professor Abraham Van Helsing. He's a doctor of rare diseases as well as a man of theology and philosophy.
Van Helsing: And gynecology.
Dr. Seward: Oh, I didn't know you have your hand in that, too.

 

[The Mighty Mollusk]

"The point is, every time I take a step forward, the answers slip farther from my grasp. You just don't understand."
"It's not that I don't understand, Aloy. It's that I don't care."

 

[The Mighty Mollusk]

"The pen is not mightier than the sword. The pen cannot make war, nor the sword poetry. Mighty is the hand that knows when to use the pen, and when to use the sword."

 

[MadameVixen]

"I'll turn your laughter into fear."

 

[CoffeeHorse]

"This was not a boat accident."

 

[DefaultOption]

Now this here story I'm about to unfold took place back in the early nineties, just about the time of our conflict with Sad'm and the I-raqis. I only mention it 'cause sometimes there's a man - I won't say a hero, 'cause what's a hero? - but sometimes there's a man, and I'm talkin' about the Dude here, sometimes there's a man who, well, he's the man for his time an' place. He fits right in there. And that's the Dude, in Los Angeles.

And even if he's a lazy man, and the Dude was certainly that, quite possibly the laziest in Los Angeles County, which would place him high in the runnin' for laziest worldwide, but sometimes there's a man... sometimes there's a man...

Well, I lost my train of thought here. But... aw hell, I done introduced him enough.

 

[MadameVixen]

"Welcome to the Shadow Realm"

 

[CoffeeHorse]

"You all know me. Know how I earn a livin."

 

[Paladin]

"Japanese submarine slammed two torpedoes into her side, Chief.​

We was comin’ back from the island of Tinian to Leyte. We’d just delivered the bomb. The Hiroshima bomb. Eleven hundred men went into the water. Vessel went down in 12 minutes.

Didn’t see the first shark for about a half-hour. Tiger. 13-footer. You know how you know that in the water, Chief? You can tell by lookin’ from the dorsal to the tail. What we didn’t know, was that our bomb mission was so secret, no distress signal had been sent. They didn’t even list us overdue for a week. Very first light, Chief, sharks come cruisin’ by, so we formed ourselves into tight groups. It was sorta like you see in the calendars, you know the infantry squares in the old calendars like the Battle of Waterloo and the idea was the shark come to the nearest man, that man he starts poundin’ and hollerin’ and sometimes that shark he go away… but sometimes he wouldn’t go away.

Sometimes that shark looks right at ya. Right into your eyes. And the thing about a shark is he’s got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll’s eyes. When he comes at ya, he doesn’t even seem to be livin’… ’til he bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then… ah then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin’. The ocean turns red, and despite all your poundin’ and your hollerin’ those sharks come in and… they rip you to pieces.

You know by the end of that first dawn, lost a hundred men. I don’t know how many sharks there were, maybe a thousand. I do know how many men, they averaged six an hour. Thursday mornin’, Chief, I bumped into a friend of mine, Herbie Robinson from Cleveland. Baseball player. Bosun’s mate. I thought he was asleep. I reached over to wake him up. He bobbed up, down in the water, he was like a kinda top. Upended. Well, he’d been bitten in half below the waist.

At noon on the fifth day, a Lockheed Ventura swung in low and he spotted us, a young pilot, lot younger than Mr. Hooper here, anyway he spotted us and a few hours later a big ol’ fat PBY come down and started to pick us up. You know that was the time I was most frightened. Waitin’ for my turn. I’ll never put on a lifejacket again. So, eleven hundred men went into the water. 316 men come out, the sharks took the rest, June the 29th, 1945.

Anyway, we delivered the bomb."

 

[The Mighty Mollusk]

"You say no mortal should wield these Eyes? Then I shall gladly become a demon! I will suckle on the souls of the hopeless, and liberate the homeland they no longer deserve!"

 

[MadameVixen]

"I can destroy galaxies with just a thought. So why won't you just die?"

 

[CoffeeHorse]

"When one does wrong, one must do it thoroughly. ’Tis madness to halt midway in the monstrous!"
- Claude Frollo