Campaign Texts Archive

[The Mighty Mollusk]

He's a more recognizable name to put in front. That's all they needed.

 

[Ungnome]

Helps by making sure Trump stays out of jail so he can become president and use his executive powers to protect Thomas, obviously....... Granted no one will impeach Thomas, even if the Dems get a sizable majority in both houses and well, being that there's only three ways to remove a justice and the only one that the Dems have any real legal option to use is impeachment..... Thomas will be there until he retires or dies, I'm afraid. With or without Trump's protection.

 

[Pocket]

Given how unhinged every last one of these texts is, either Trump is writing them all himself or he's found someone who could very convincingly Weekend-at-Bernie's his corpse if the need ever arose...

 

[The Mighty Mollusk]

Not nearly whiny enough to be Trump himself. Probably some intern taking fragments of the orange cancer's word salad ravings and slapping a pay link on it.

 

[CoffeeHorse]

Who knows. The random caps lock is very Trumpian.

From Trump: OBAMA IS BACK & HE'S SPITTING IN YOUR FACE.

Bill Clinton too.

We have 8 hours to respond...

READ:
11:46 Am

FROM TRUMP: I need your advice.

Who do YOU think my VP should be?

CAST YOUR VOTE:
3:06 PM

Who do you want to be the Republican nominee for president? Cast your vote in the Presidential Sample Ballot TODAY >>
4:17 PM

Hello Rideshare2Vote is in dire need. Critical end-of-month crisis, please give2 the nation's only BLUE Ride2Vote program:
6:11 PM

From Trump: MIDNIGHT DEADLINE!

If we're going to humiliate Joe Biden, I need your eyes on this.

READ HERE:
6:14 PM

FROM TRUMP: This is my FINAL message before we close the books for January.

If you're voting for me, READ THIS:
9:12 PM

 

[CoffeeHorse]

FROM TRUMP: I hope question #1 is the easiest.

Reading your responses would be my HONOR.

Take my poll now:
12:54 PM

FROM TRUMP: Will you wear the MAGA hat I give you?

Our photo will look perfect.

Here's how we meet at Mar-a-Lago:
3:46 PM

FROM TRUMP: I'm picking the next Vice President.

I want to hear who YOU would choose.

CAST YOUR VOTE:
8:41 PM

 

[CoffeeHorse]

There's some actual news today. For one thing, they are now promoting early voting. If that happens, it's a huge change for Republican voting patterns.

For another thing, you'll never guess who's in the running to be VP.

From Trump: WILL YOU SEND ME A LETTER?

I just wrote a letter to all members of the MAGA MOVEMENT.

READ HERE:
12:34 PM

[Coffeehorse], was this an accident? It looks like you missed a question on your Republican Platform Audit. Fix ASAP >>
1:08 PM

FLORIDA, to beat Joe Biden & Democrats this year, we need Patriots like YOU to vote early. Get ready to Bank Your Vote HERE:
2:12 PM

FROM TRUMP: Can you at least answer the first question?

I'd be HONORED to hear what you have to say.

TAKE POLL:
3:31 PM

FROM TRUMP: [CoffeeHorse] for VP?

Don't tempt me!

Who would YOU pick as my running mate?

ANSWER NOW:
4:18 PM

From Trump: BIDEN JUST CALLED ME A SICK F-WORD!
I bet he says the same thing about YOU!

Read my urgent response:
6:50 PM

 

[KidTDragon]

For one thing, they are now promoting early voting. If that happens, it's a huge change for Republican voting patterns.

They must be expecting Shitler to say/do something that's dealbreaking to the less extreme Republicans and want to make sure they get their votes in before they change their minds.

FLORIDA, to beat Joe Biden & Democrats this year, we need Patriots like YOU to vote early. Get ready to Bank Your Vote HERE:
2:12 PM

What does "bank your vote" mean?

 

[Pocket]

They must be expecting Shitler to say/do something that's dealbreaking to the less extreme Republicans and want to make sure they get their votes in before they change their minds.

Imagine thinking there's literally anything he could do at this point that would turn off anyone who's still considering voting for him.

 

[abates]

Florida's early voting doesn't start until ten days before the election anyway, and it's not like anyone would be able to get Trump to not say anything stupid before then.

 

[CoffeeHorse]

From Trump: THEY'RE CORRUPT AS HELL!

Georgia DA finally comes clean!

This'll make your BLOOD BOIL.

My response:
11:46 AM

From Trump: THE CHANCE TO MEET ME AT MAR-A-LAGO ENDS ON MONDAY!

Please don't miss this.

Here's how we meet:
3:21 PM

FROM TRUMP: Want to know who my VP will be?

You tell me!

I want to know who YOU would pick as my VP.

Answer:
7:03 PM

This is former House Speaker Newt Gingrich looking for [CoffeeHorse]. You never answered #5 in our Audit. Finish NOW:
8:30 PM

 

[CoffeeHorse]

From Trump: I'LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!

Has Biden ever told you that? NO!

I wrote a letter JUST for my top supporters:
11:45 AM

FROM TRUMP: Will you hang up our picture together?

I want to meet YOU at Mar-a-Lago.

Here's how that happens:
3:55 PM

From Trump: THE NEXT VP IS...

You tell me!

I want your advice.

Tell me who should be my VP:
6:28 PM

YOU'VE BEEN NOMINATED! You're a REPUBLICAN LIVING LEGEND! Accept your AWARD!
8:12 PM

I am actually a registered Democrat. I don't know how you got my phone number.

 

[CoffeeHorse]

You're going to get excited for a second. Don't.

Closing the curtains on my campaign.

Biden & the Democrats just have too much power, too many connections, and too much in their fundraising war chest.

And at this point, I'm at the end of my wits, [CoffeeHorse].

If I don't do a total 180 on the fundraising front, not only will I lose my House seat, Republicans may never hold the majority in Congress again.

This is Ryan Zinke. I served as President Trump's Secretary of the Interior and I was Ground Forces Commander for SEAL Team 6.

I'm also running for Congress in the most important race in America.

I lead the team of Navy SEAL's running for Congress, and I have more battle experience than anyone else. Point is, I'm the toughest Republican in Washington D.C.

So, I'm going to be blunt with you. If Biden can destroy me in this race, I can guarantee you no other Republican will have a chance.

But you have my word, as a former Navy SEAL and SEAL Team 6 Commander, if you help me out today, I can promise you that we will ruin Biden's plan to destroy our nation.

I'm humbly asking- will you help me out?
12:13 PM

From Trump: THE CHANCE TO MEET ME ENDS AT MIDNIGHT!

PLEASE don't ignore this.

Here's how to be my guest:
12:29 PM

FROM TRUMP: I haven't picked my VP yet.

Because I haven't heard from YOU yet!

Who should I pick for VP?

ANSWER:
2:47 PM

FROM TRUMP: I do it all for [CoffeeHorse]!

Every Indictment. Every Witch Hunt.

ALL FOR YOU!

Read my letter:
7:58 PM

 

[abates]

Montana's first congressional district is the most important race in America? Really?

 

[KidTDragon]

You're going to get excited for a second. Don't.

I managed to stave off excitement, but I couldn't stop myself from feeling warm fuzzies when reading these sentences:

not only will I lose my House seat, Republicans may never hold the majority in Congress again.

If Biden can destroy me in this race, I can guarantee you no other Republican will have a chance.

 

[CoffeeHorse]

BREAKING FROM TRUMP: Federal Judges just ruled against me.

THEY TOOK AWAY PRESIDENTIAL IMMUNITY.

My response:
11:52 AM

This is the HIGHEST rank the Republican Party can bestow, [Coffeehorse]. Accept your RNC Merit Badge HERE >>
2:35 PM

From Trump: RIP UP THE SENATE IMMIGRATION BILL!

Urgent immigration survey for [CoffeeHorse]

TAKE HERE:
4:12 PM

FROM TRUMP: I hope this question is easy...

WILL YOU VOTE FOR ME AGAIN?

Wake my MAGA POLL now:
6:44 PM

 

[KidTDragon]

THEY TOOK AWAY PRESIDENTIAL IMMUNITY.

They somehow managed to take away something that never existed! Those crafty Deep State™ bastards!

 

[CoffeeHorse]

I do get messages from Democrats as well. Just not as often.

From Trump: THE SUPREME COURT HEARING STARTS TOMORROW!

They want me OFF the ballot.

Read my urgent response:
11:46 AM

[Coffeehorse], it's Rep. Maxwell Frost, first Gen Z'er in Congress for FL-10. I released my first-ever financial disclosure form as a member of Congress a few months back, and get this: Republicans are attacking me on social media for... trying to make ends meet during my campaign.

I have no shame. I drove for Uber when I ran for office. I had bills to pay. Truth is, our political system makes it really difficult for working class people to run for office. I think Congress would work a lot better if more of us were there.

But Republicans think that because I'm not wealthy like other members of Congress, I shouldn't have a seat at the table. They're wrong.

I'll never stop fighting for those ignored by our out of touch politicians, but I need your support before to keep me fighting in Congress in the face of these baseless attacks. So I'm asking you for just $1.

I know the value of a dollar. And every dollar. makes a difference for this grassroots campaign. Can you pitch in just $1 to keep me fighting in Congress for the many (not just the few) before midnight? >>
12:14 PM

FROM TRUMP: Would you support an even BIGGER WALL?

Immigration poll for [CoffeeHorse].

MASS PARTICIPATION NEEDED:
3:08 PM

FROM TRUMP: I'm picking the next VP!

But I want to hear YOUR CHOICE first.

Have someone in mind?

ANSWER NOW:
6:41 PM

 

[CoffeeHorse]

From Trump: I'M ADDRESSING THE NATION!

They want me off the ballot, BUT YOU WON'T LET THAT HAPPEN.

My response:
11:46 AM

What in God's name do you want me to do about it?

FLORIDA! Vote-by-Mail ballots are starting to be mailed out across the state. Get ready to VOTE. Request your Ballot NOW >>
3:11 PM

Breaking From Trump:
BIDEN NOT CHARGED FOR CLASSIFIED DOCS IN HIS GARAGE!

Read My Emergency Statement.
4:28 PM

[CoffeeHorse], it's Ronna McDaniel. I saw you missed question #3 on our Republican Verification Canvass. Correct our records >>
5:32PM

 

[KidTDragon]

I guess Ronna McDaniel has plenty of time to text now.