And then I forget that I'm just remembering, and start having the conversation out loud until something snaps me out of it.
Mental Health and Suicide
- Thread starter Caldwin
- Start date
And then I forget that I'm just remembering, and start having the conversation out loud until something snaps me out of it.
I doubt I need to explain why my avatar was blacked out today.
I dreamed about the hospital last night. The biological clock is amazing. My body knew it was the anniversary.
I dreamed about the hospital last night. The biological clock is amazing. My body knew it was the anniversary.
Much better. The anniversary is passed. I'll feel it again next year.
And you'll feel it a little less harshly.
Maybe. But dreams and flashbacks have a way of keeping things fresh. There's a few moments I keep reliving, trying to find some clue I missed before everything came crashing down.
This is something every does to some extent, and is a perfectly natural human reaction.
When you find yourself in one of those moments: ask yourself; will finding something NOW change what happened then?
Remember, honour, try to live up to. But dwelling on things you cannot change does nothing for you. Considering I don't really know your dad, but gonna say this anyway; would your dad want you to be doing it?
When you find yourself in one of those moments: ask yourself; will finding something NOW change what happened then?
Remember, honour, try to live up to. But dwelling on things you cannot change does nothing for you. Considering I don't really know your dad, but gonna say this anyway; would your dad want you to be doing it?
That is a good question.
I don't know. I know, but I don't know. I kinda don't want to know. Nothing good can come of knowing. But I need to know.
I don't know. I know, but I don't know. I kinda don't want to know. Nothing good can come of knowing. But I need to know.
Just when I think I can breathe, I get hit by another avalanche of BS my lawyer should have helped me with. It never ends.
Sleep is for people who don't have this jive to deal with.
I will sleep tonight though. I still have a mess but I have excavated myself from underneath the mess.
I will sleep tonight though. I still have a mess but I have excavated myself from underneath the mess.
Yesterday I should have accomplished some estate business. I prepared for it for a couple weeks. I got turned away by a bureaucrat because I lacked a piece of paper I should not have because it's genuinely inapplicable to my case. It applies to a completely different category of estates.
It's getting to me.
It's getting to me.
Still nothing from the police about Linda's killer. They're actively dodging questions now. Pretty clear they have nothing.
Our last big flemmish giant rabbit passed today. Scout. Was 7 years old and super cuddly. The wife found him this morning.
Wife did the taxes today. Together we somehow owe over 600, even though we both claim 0 and she has extra taken out. By herself she gets a 100 back and I owe over a grand somehow.
After finding this out she said that she's worth more dead than alive and if her cancer comes back she's not going to treat it because she's over everything and done.
Meanwhile one of my college professors asked me to apply for the open position of chief of police for his small town. They've been looking to fill the position since September.
I initially declined because I'm in no way up for that kind of a job. But, hug it I guess. This week I'm babysitting a server farm they're building in KC for Patmos. Patmos is the online storage host for, as they call them, digital exiles. They'll host anyone and refuse to take them down regardless of political or other pressures. So you can guess who their clients are. Their techs are all russian, their head of security is an israeli. and i'm the guard who sits by the door and babysits the dock. For people who give a voice online to those who probably shouldn't be spreading their views.
Sure is a wonderful life.
Our last big flemmish giant rabbit passed today. Scout. Was 7 years old and super cuddly. The wife found him this morning.
Wife did the taxes today. Together we somehow owe over 600, even though we both claim 0 and she has extra taken out. By herself she gets a 100 back and I owe over a grand somehow.
After finding this out she said that she's worth more dead than alive and if her cancer comes back she's not going to treat it because she's over everything and done.
Meanwhile one of my college professors asked me to apply for the open position of chief of police for his small town. They've been looking to fill the position since September.
I initially declined because I'm in no way up for that kind of a job. But, hug it I guess. This week I'm babysitting a server farm they're building in KC for Patmos. Patmos is the online storage host for, as they call them, digital exiles. They'll host anyone and refuse to take them down regardless of political or other pressures. So you can guess who their clients are. Their techs are all russian, their head of security is an israeli. and i'm the guard who sits by the door and babysits the dock. For people who give a voice online to those who probably shouldn't be spreading their views.
Sure is a wonderful life.
I hope I never meet any of the vultures that think it's funny to keep sending me "This could have been a real check" spam mail with my dad's name on it.
So the wife found . . . something in a breast exam. Scheduled a mammogram for Monday. Apparently she has 'dense' breasts, which makes it hard sometimes to detect things like cancer.
Today she told me she cancelled the mammogram. Said because they want $750 and her free annual one is only 3 months away. Her mammogram last year was delayed many times by her for a variety of reasons.
I am starting to believe that she is deliberately ignoring it, hoping it is cancer and she gets to die. I believe that while she's not at suicide ideation she does actively want to die.
I don't know what I can do about this or if there even is anything I can do. I can't yank money out of my ass and I have to pay the taxes. Even if I did somehow come up with it, I don't think she'd take it. A convenient excuse, if you will.
Guys, my wife wants to die. I have asked her to go to counseling, to talk to someone and she refuses. I believe she is now actively working against her own health. What do I do?
Today she told me she cancelled the mammogram. Said because they want $750 and her free annual one is only 3 months away. Her mammogram last year was delayed many times by her for a variety of reasons.
I am starting to believe that she is deliberately ignoring it, hoping it is cancer and she gets to die. I believe that while she's not at suicide ideation she does actively want to die.
I don't know what I can do about this or if there even is anything I can do. I can't yank money out of my ass and I have to pay the taxes. Even if I did somehow come up with it, I don't think she'd take it. A convenient excuse, if you will.
Guys, my wife wants to die. I have asked her to go to counseling, to talk to someone and she refuses. I believe she is now actively working against her own health. What do I do?
No. Of her family, only her 2 surviving kids live here in Kansas. She has a cousin close in Missouri and they talk, but not regularly.
All of our friends are work friends. Neither one of us has much of a life outside of work.
I have rehired my attorney. The price tag caused me physical pain but I have no choice. I want my inheritance now, and I will ruin the next bureaucrat who doesn't immediately hand over what the court has already determined to be mine. From now on I am not asking anyone a second time. I don't care what your procedure is. I don't care what the boss says. Tell it to a judge.
This lawyer is actually scary good. It was just my bad luck that the whole firm broke up in the middle of may case. That slowed everything down and probably caused some things to get overlooked. Now it's wrecking ball time.