Mental Health and Suicide

[CoffeeHorse]

I don't think it went great.

Whatever. If there's a finite supply of miracles, I'll be glad I didn't spend one on this. We're done with this round of chemo, and that's the end of the current treatment plan. We're going to get some new images and figure out if we need to dial the chemo up (if that's medically possible), down, stay the course, or what. Until then, we get a break now.

 

[CoffeeHorse]

Today was a long followup appointment now that the initial treatment plan is over. There's bad news and good news.

The bad news is we are nowhere close to getting our lives back. It is going to be a very long road to recovery.

The good news is we are using words like "long road" and 'recovery". That is not how stage IV pancreatic cancer works but here we are.

 

[Caldwin]

That's a victory in my book. Good news.

 

[wonko the sane?]

This is absolutely a win, and a foundation for future victories.

 

[CoffeeHorse]

Don't be afraid to ask for a second opinion. Even if the diagnosis is correct, the treatment plan might not be. Find yourself a doctor with some guts.

 

[CoffeeHorse]

Another followup, this time with the oncologist who's coordinating this whole thing. Last week's followup was with the chemo doctor.

It's working. It's going to take some time to get the scans that will determine how chemo goes from here, but we have the time. Until then, no more rounds of chemo are scheduled. This doctor is also trying to hook us up with some more outside help. We'll see.

 

[wonko the sane?]

Awesome news man.

Now that they aren't pumping your old man full of poison, there's a bunch of stuff you should know.

1.) He is immunocompromised now. You were probably well aware of that, but it cannot be understated. IF he undergoes NO MORE CHEMO, then his immune system will be normalized in about a year. It's a long assed time, I know. Mom started her chemo literally days after the pandemic was declared in canada. It has been a very long pandemic.

2.) He will get stronger and more "normal" day by day, but it's entirely normal for him to have down days. Low stamina, low endurance, loss of appetite, even some bodily aches and mild pain. Mom still gets them from time to time, but the time between grows greater each time.

3.) His appetite will return in short order. Maybe learn a few of his favourite recipes and treat him once in a while.

This is what winning looks like man. One day at a time, one doctors visit at a time.

 

[CoffeeHorse]

His appetite has been pretty darn good, actually. He weighs more now than he did after the first chemo dose. He does have a medical marijuana card, with the oncologist's blessing. The downside is the stuff makes him talk like Blurr and he cannot be stopped, but it does seem to work. Energy levels and appetite have been good.

 

[CoffeeHorse]

New catscan today.

It's a mixed bag. The bad news is there seems to be some spread. Mostly various abdomen wall tissues, but there's also something going on with two lymph nodes. This is not what we were hoping to hear. We were hoping for no spread after such monster doses of chemo, but this is a very aggressive cancer.

The good news is we have confirmation of one thing we were suspecting. The cancer in a pancreatic duct has clearly shrunk, as fluids aren't getting blocked in there anymore. It's still slightly constricted, but it's way better. It's functional, at least. That's all they had to say about the pancreas. Liver is "unremarkable". I hope that's as good as it sounds. And while there may be some spread on the abdomen wall (maybe, there's thickening here and there but we'll need a followup to know for sure what that means) and two lymph nodes, it's not spreading to other organs so far. Heart, lungs, kidneys, spleen, adrenal glands, stomach, intestines, still clean.

 

[wonko the sane?]

Not great news, but not bad either. He's just started walking this path, and there's lot of road ahead yet.

 

[CoffeeHorse]

Well the chemo guy has chimed in, and he thinks it was bad news. He gives my dad 6 months if there's no further treatment, but he's offering a treatment that he thinks would buy a year.

But there are still reasons for optimism. For one thing, he's not saying automatic death at the end of one year. He's saying he can buy a year, and at the end of that year we'll just be back to "We'll see." It's not impossible that the treatment could just work. And for another thing, so much of this stuff is guesswork and inferences from other cases that may or may not be all that relevant. This abdomen wall stuff is really really bad because it could spread to other places that are currently clean, and/or because finding this stuff often means other things are already really far gone but they're not. The liver being "unremarkable" means what we hoped it did. It seems to have been saved.

I'm still hopeful.

 

[CoffeeHorse]

Chemo guy says that first cocktail stays in the body for 3 months. So while the thing to worry about is cancer spreading from the abdomen wall to other places, those other places are still soaking in chemo. Meanwhile the new cocktail is all targeting the remaining cancer directly. This is way harsher than the first stuff so far, but hopefully that means the remaining cancer is getting brutalized and has nowhere to run.

 

[CoffeeHorse]

First three rounds of the current plan are done. Followup was today. Chemo guy ordered another three rounds. He didn't even do any tests. He just says do it.

My dad's hair has begun falling out. It was still thick before this, so he's not thrilled. His family doesn't seem to have the gene for balding but it found a way to get him anyway.

 

[Caldwin]

No tests, just said do it? Nothing wrong with asking for a second opinion.

 

[CoffeeHorse]

It's probably just too soon to tell. Maybe the point of today's visit was to see if my dad looked healthy enough to continue. Either the cancer is going to kill him, or the chemo is going to kill him, or the chemo is going to kill the cancer. Maybe today was just to see that the chemo isn't killing him, so it'll be okay to do another three rounds.

 

[Echowarrior]

I hope the chemo kills the cancer.

 

[CoffeeHorse]

Not good. His platelet count was too low to do chemo today. So now he needs to work on that and try again next week.

 

[wonko the sane?]

He just needs a break and some red meat: he'll rally, hit it next week, and kill it.

 

[CoffeeHorse]

That's the plan. He'll take a week off, eat as much as he can, and do chemo next week.

This is apparently a really common problem with chemotherapy, so it's not really a cause for alarm. Just a frustrating delay.

 

[CoffeeHorse]

It's Easter.

Every holiday is a triumph now.